so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
