I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
