tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
