Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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