my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have peed in a lot of sinks
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
