Whod you bang
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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