I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
