Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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