I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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