i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
