I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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