Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
