Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
