I've blown a few things in my day
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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