My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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