Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
