sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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