Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
