who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm both gender and math confused
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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