All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
