I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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