Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
