Say something about gay babies.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
