Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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