why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
