My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Success! We fucked roommates!
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