i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
