did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
