So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
