this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
