If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
