omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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