Do you still have your period?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
