Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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