my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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