Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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