Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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