i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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