Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
