Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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