Already got asked if we're dating
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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