Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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