Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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