just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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