the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
