Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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