you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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