I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
