I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
