my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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