I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
