you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
