Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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