kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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